Victory?

I know, it’s been awhile. Again. I’ve been Depression’s bitch this summer- walking the fine line “do I need to call my doctor and get back on meds” and “Ovary up and stop feeling bad”.

Needless to say, my workouts and diet has suffered for it. I was working out pretty steadily 5-6 days a week, and now I’m lucky if I manage three. I should have been done with C25K by now, but I still have a few days left of it.  Though things didn’t get really bad until I gave blood and had a bought of heat exhaustion the same day. I was so excited that my iron levels were up to normal that I didn’t really think through donating blood- I shouldn’t have. Between the heat exhaustion (which was exacerbated by just having laid in a hot bus to have blood drained out of me) and now plummeting iron levels, the weeks since have been terrible. I mean, can’t make it through the work day without napping, and going to bed early and just sitting around staring at nothing kind of bad.  Went back on the iron pills this week, and things are getting a little better.

But, of course, I’m not where I want to be at this point. I look at myself and I don’t see any changes. I just see the same fat, pale blob I was  a year ago.

To make matters worse, none of my clothes fit. My tops are all waaaaaaay too big now (I just bought new tops at the end of May. They’re all too big.) or the others I have in my closet are still too small. My pants are all falling apart, and I’ve been loath to go by new ones. While running has made my legs even more toned than they were before, my middle hasn’t seemed to have changed at all. Two weeks ago I bit the bullet and went to Kmart, because if I’m going to be stuck buying new clothes every few weeks, I’m not spending a lot on them. I found one (ONE) pair of capris that fit, but, to my delight, they were a size smaller than I’ve been stuck in.

Then this week, my last pair of work pants, which I’ve had to stitch up before (yay thigh burn!) finally gave out and there is no fixing them. So, stuck with the prospect of wearing the same pair of capris to work every day or sucking it up and finding more clothes, I went with finding more clothes.

Found some of the new size…and they were comfortable, but huuuuuge on the legs. Huge.  My legs would easily fit in a size 18, but my waist has been stuck in size 24 (until two weeks ago with the 22’s.) So, tempting the weight loss gods, I tried on a pair of 20’s…and those mother fuckers fit. Well. Not too tight, still a bit big in the legs…

I haven’t been in 20’s since I first got married. I was falling out of 16’s, and settled into 18’s…then 20’s….and then skipped straight to 24. And apparently I get to bypass 22’s all over again.

This is fantastic. I still feel like crap, but at least the 2+ months without soda was worth something. (here is a link to a study about how diet soda isn’t helping anyone) After giving up sugar/HFCS soda, I clung to diet because I needed my caffeine fix, man. And since giving it up I’ve seen the most drastic loss on my waistline since ever- more than diet or exercise has ever done. So. BOO SODA. YAY 20’s! 

I’m going to dig through my closet for my suitcase of shame and find the 20’s I have stashed in there to see if 20’s from 6-7 years ago are smaller than 20’s now. Wouldn’t surprise me.

2 weeks till I go home. Maybe then I’ll feel better.