While I've never been thin as an adult, I have been much, much smaller. The 'smallest' I've ever been is a size 14- which, on my frame, is really my goal overall goal again at this point. I looked normal (to me, anyway) at that size, but it's been so long that when I get back down there, I may just keep going. That's a ways off, though.
When I got married, I was wavering between a size 16 and 18 and then over the past 6 years I just went up and up and up to get to where I am now, a very round size 24.
Our current closet is very small. It's a good size for a single person, or someone who isn't also trying to store everything else they own in it, as it's our only closet, but with the two of us it's a very, very cramped place. Last night I went on a purging spree to get rid of the things we don't need anymore.
Which meant pulling out the suitcase.
I have a large, blue suitcase full of clothes that I have not worn in nearly 5 years, full to bursting of clothes I wore back when I first got married- all sizes 16-18. My favorite jeans that I can't get over my thighs right now. My favorite t-shirts (sized large. LARGE. I have two t-shirts right now that I can wear, and they have 3 x's on them before the L.). Normally when I see the suitcase (every time we move, which is every year or two), I feel so overcome with disgust. Shame. Despair. And then I stuff it back in the closet and ignore it for another year.
Not this time. I pulled everything out. Told Mr. Spartan stories about who gave me this shirt or that one. Remembering how comfortable a certain pair of jeans was. And then I got a little excited.
I've never had a real, solid plan before, and always just vague goals. But now I have a clear goal. I have a doctor who has helped me overcome all the physical reasons I couldn't lose weight before. I have friends on the same journey. I have mother-fucking confidence.
Everything I've researched comes back to 2 things: you have to have a plan, and you have to have goals. Otherwise you will fail. I have all the tools I need this time. I have my husband, my doctor, and my friends holding me accountable to follow through with what I say.
Being able put those clothes from the suitcase onto hangers in the closet is not a wish, or some far off dream. It's within my grasp. The only thing stopping me is me.
As the thespians, Cheech and Chong, once said - in their eloquent stoner homie voices... "you can do it!"
ReplyDeleteDave's not here, man- I mean, thank you!
ReplyDeleteLol @ ^^^^^ ... And you keep up the hard work sista! You will be in the jeans in no time and then you'll want to buy some new updated version. Keep it up with Mother F-in confidence!!!
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