Vegan Month of Food!

Which is every month at our house, but it gives me an excuse to spam my Facebook feed with what I am eating.

Two new things keeping me interested in the kitchen are:

1. The discovery of Fat Free Vegan Kitchen. Years worth of entries, and they are, so far, amazing. Tonight we had the Thai Black Pepper and Garlic Tofu. Fantastic.

2. And finding the "Great Gluten-Free Vegan Eats" cookbook by Allyson Kramer. Full disclosure, I haven't actually tried anything from it, but I'm very excited to. A few years ago there weren't any gluten free vegan cookbooks, and now they are all over. Thank goodness.

Summer of discount tents.

I'm terrible at this.

But, I just got back from my trip home, and I'm trying to take advantage of how relaxed I feel to get shit done.

I didn't hit the weight loss goals I wanted to before I left, aside from finishing Couch to 5K (which is a fantastic program and I think everyone should do it. Because it's fantastic.).

I did weights once from the start of July until just now, which is terrible. No excuse for it. I know I was really focused on trying to finish C25K, but I shouldn't have let that slide.

I started again today with a program I found online that seems to be pretty good- I mean, I was sweating like crazy only a few minutes in, so it can't be too bad. It emphasizes not working out to failure, which is something I had been doing. We'll see how it goes. I want to complete a month (3 times a week) and see how I feel then. I'm planning on buying some heavier weights. Unless our company decides to get us a good  deal at a local gym (we should find out this week), then I can just use their weights instead of upgrading my own.

I'd really like to start a barbell lifting program if that is the case. I would be SO STRONG.

And of course, keep up the running. I've tried running on a treadmill and I do not like it, but I also tried running on gravel while I was away on vacation, and I'm not the biggest fan of that, either. Well...I might like it better if I had different shoes, but my Skele-toes had so many rocks and pebbles jammed in every nook and cranny that it hurt to walk on them. I really do like running, slow as I am. And I like lifting weights. I just want to run around and be strong, really.

My diet took a dive over vacation- I expected it to, I was spending a week with people who really don't understand my food limitations and eat out a lot, so I survived on Clif bars and french fries. Lost three pounds, but I feel so icky inside. I'm Belgian, but I don't want to see another fry for a long, long time.

I'm trying to get better about not procrastinating as much. I just get overwhelmed by all that I need to do and how few hours I have every day to myself to do it, including working out, that I just don't do crap. Baby steps, I guess.

Victory?

I know, it’s been awhile. Again. I’ve been Depression’s bitch this summer- walking the fine line “do I need to call my doctor and get back on meds” and “Ovary up and stop feeling bad”.

Needless to say, my workouts and diet has suffered for it. I was working out pretty steadily 5-6 days a week, and now I’m lucky if I manage three. I should have been done with C25K by now, but I still have a few days left of it.  Though things didn’t get really bad until I gave blood and had a bought of heat exhaustion the same day. I was so excited that my iron levels were up to normal that I didn’t really think through donating blood- I shouldn’t have. Between the heat exhaustion (which was exacerbated by just having laid in a hot bus to have blood drained out of me) and now plummeting iron levels, the weeks since have been terrible. I mean, can’t make it through the work day without napping, and going to bed early and just sitting around staring at nothing kind of bad.  Went back on the iron pills this week, and things are getting a little better.

But, of course, I’m not where I want to be at this point. I look at myself and I don’t see any changes. I just see the same fat, pale blob I was  a year ago.

To make matters worse, none of my clothes fit. My tops are all waaaaaaay too big now (I just bought new tops at the end of May. They’re all too big.) or the others I have in my closet are still too small. My pants are all falling apart, and I’ve been loath to go by new ones. While running has made my legs even more toned than they were before, my middle hasn’t seemed to have changed at all. Two weeks ago I bit the bullet and went to Kmart, because if I’m going to be stuck buying new clothes every few weeks, I’m not spending a lot on them. I found one (ONE) pair of capris that fit, but, to my delight, they were a size smaller than I’ve been stuck in.

Then this week, my last pair of work pants, which I’ve had to stitch up before (yay thigh burn!) finally gave out and there is no fixing them. So, stuck with the prospect of wearing the same pair of capris to work every day or sucking it up and finding more clothes, I went with finding more clothes.

Found some of the new size…and they were comfortable, but huuuuuge on the legs. Huge.  My legs would easily fit in a size 18, but my waist has been stuck in size 24 (until two weeks ago with the 22’s.) So, tempting the weight loss gods, I tried on a pair of 20’s…and those mother fuckers fit. Well. Not too tight, still a bit big in the legs…

I haven’t been in 20’s since I first got married. I was falling out of 16’s, and settled into 18’s…then 20’s….and then skipped straight to 24. And apparently I get to bypass 22’s all over again.

This is fantastic. I still feel like crap, but at least the 2+ months without soda was worth something. (here is a link to a study about how diet soda isn’t helping anyone) After giving up sugar/HFCS soda, I clung to diet because I needed my caffeine fix, man. And since giving it up I’ve seen the most drastic loss on my waistline since ever- more than diet or exercise has ever done. So. BOO SODA. YAY 20’s! 

I’m going to dig through my closet for my suitcase of shame and find the 20’s I have stashed in there to see if 20’s from 6-7 years ago are smaller than 20’s now. Wouldn’t surprise me.

2 weeks till I go home. Maybe then I’ll feel better. 

Victory week

This was a good week for me on the health front. First, I met with my primary doctor and the entire office (...of three people) were all really excited about my progress so far. I started seeing this doctor exactly a year ago, and my health has improved almost 100%. I'm in a completely different position, health wise, than I was this time last year. I haven't lost much weight since then (35.5 pounds), but I'm so much  more healthy. She managed to get to the bottom of my health issues, and at this point I'm 8 months from my surgery and my stomach problems have reduced dramatically. I'm no longer in pain every second of every day. I can work out for more than five minutes without running to the bathroom. I can bend over without crying. 

Even better- my second appointment this week was with the specialist I've been seeing, and I'm no longer anemic. This is a huge deal, because I've battled anemia for most of my life. Most doctors (until my current primary MD) have been really blase about it, but she actually wanted to figure out the cause and correct it. It's nice not being exhausted 24/7. No, it's amazing to not be exhausted all the damn time. To celebrate, I'm going to go give blood next weekend- something I haven't been able to do since I was a teenager. 

And the best thing that happened this week, in regards to my summer time goals, was I managed to actually do 5K this week. In crazy heat and humidity. I'm only on week five of couch to 5k, and I'm so. fucking. excited. I'm still 120ish pounds overweight- if I can fucking run, anyone with working legs can run. I actually look forward to going out and running. I don't even know who I am anymore!

Working hard to get my fill

So, it's been a good week! No scale victories, as it were, but lots and lots of non-scale type victories.

I started week two of Couch to 5K yesterday, and did awesome, if I do say so myself. I'm especially proud of myself because the place I run (our parking lot) is on a very steep hill- so half the time I have to run up hill. I think it's definitely showing in my butt- firm like a ROCK. I was worried last week, so I was timing my runs so they were always down hill. Now that I'm running for longer that's not possible, I just went with it last night,and it wasn't so bad!

The running on concrete is killing my knees, though. They aren't so bad today, but during and after my run they felt terrible. All this weight pushing them down, only to have that shock from the pavement push back? I don't have any where else to do this at the moment (unless I use the mostly broken treadmills down at the clubhouse) so I'm going to have to adjust.Or lose more weight.

Though a friend did mention there is a track at a city park about a mile down the road we can use- I'd walk there but it's a mile down the road on a highway with no shoulder, so driving the whole four minutes would be best. I'm going to check it out this weekend. If it isn't concrete, or if I can run around the outside of the track, I may just start making the silly drive three times a week to save my knees.

I'm really starting to like running- I honestly hated it growing up, and would only run if I were being chased. Even then I would usually just give up. Good thing my life never depended on it! But now, it's something I want to do and look forward to. Even during my cool downs when I'm supposed to be walking, I tend to run at least part of it to burn off the rest of my energy.

And my distances have been getting so much better! Last night I managed to do 2.3 miles in 30 minutes. Just a few weeks ago I was only able to walk 3 miles in just under an hour. I feel very confident that, barring any injuries, by the time I go home in August I'll be able to run 3 miles in 30 minutes. And that will be on dirt roads,so even better!

My diet has sucked lately. For some reason this week I've been ravenous but nauseated. I haven't even hit 1000 cals today, and I'm starving, but when I go near food I can't eat it without wanting to throw up immediately. The past three days have been like that. Better not be pregnant!

I'm having a hard time figuring out the calories I should be eating, anyway. I was using a combination of apps and calculations I found online, and then averaging them out since they varied wildly. I had been shooting for 1500 a day, and 1600 on days I worked out hard (break a real sweat, want to cry when I'm done work outs, not three reps of squats and calling it a day work outs). That has been working- slowly. SLOWLY. Like, lose a pound a month slowly. So I was trying to vary it, going up a little, going down a little, but nothing seems to really work. Going down too little and I'm always hungry, going up to high and I feel gross and bloated.

So, what I've decided to do is focus on the two things I really need to make sure I get enough: Protein and Fiber. Fiber for my poor digestive track that likes to make my life miserable,and protein because, frankly, the only time I've seen awesome weightloss was when I was eating 100 grams or more a day. I'm participating in a round of 90 Days Goal over at Reddit, and sprint two kicked off this week, so that's my focus this month. Getting my protein and fiber and not worrying so much about the calories, and working on Couch to 5K.

I'm seeing crazy changes in my body, and I'm digging it.I'm not in danger of becoming a super model any day soon, but I'm not hating myself completely when I look in the mirror. And I'm looking in the mirror a lot more lately, to watch the changes. It's been fun.

Dust and cobwebs

Well. It's been awhile. I'd tell you I've been busy (which I have been) but that's so overused. This just hasn't been in my top priorities. I recently started doing writing exercises over at 750words.com, and since I like seeing those x's across the top of the screen, and I sometimes don't feel like writing about my writing and I don't always have issues to work out, I'll use that for this 2 days a week. (Like now!)

So, I'm doing steady as far as fitness. I recently restarted (as in last week) the Couch to 5K program, and I'm already doing better than the last time I attempted it. Of course, the last time I attempted it, it was about a month after I had surgery and I was also 20 pounds heavier than I am now. I'm still planetary, but every little bit helps.

I find I can walk/run better and faster when I'm alone. And at night. Maybe once I get my stamina and speeds up, I'll want to do this with other people, but at the moment it's nice to put my head phones on and just go, and not worry if I'm slowing anyone down or having to listen to unwanted, unhelpful advice. (I know I'm slow right now. I'm a big girl who NEVER ran in my life. I'm going to be slow.I don't want to hurt myself. Right now I just need to work on my form and breathing. I don't need to go faster right now. It's week one. I can go as slow as I need.)

Right. I had been doing the 150 dips/200 squats program, but my last week coincided with my husband's brother-in-law passing away. I'm going to try this week to do my final 'test' (to see how many I can do at a time) and then start both programs over, for my off days from C25K.

The body changes are so slow, but for the first time I can see visible changes on myself. My legs are turning back into the ones I had that all my friends were jealous of. My forearms are so damn bony I keep hurting myself. I set my arm down expecting that fat cushion, and it's gone. My face is getting thinner. And all of this is awesome, but it makes my middle look even bigger. Ah well. Can't expect miracles.

I've recently started adding protein powder to my food- I'm very consistent with it during the work week, but the weekends just suck as far as my eating goes. I fall right into my husband's schedule of staying up late/sleeping in, so my first meal usually isn't until after noon or one, and at that point I don't have the patience to eat well. I just want food. (Not that I eat terribly, but my go to for something fast is usually lacking in fiber and protein, and those are the two things I need the most. I've started making my own breakfast shakes (I had been drinking ones from Svelte- which are fucking delicious, but also pricey), I have a Clif Builders bar for lunch with some fruit, some almonds in the afternoon for a snack, and then dinner is usually some tofu/bean/veggie mix. On days I work out I have frozen banana mixed with protein powder and PB2 after (because it is tasty).

I -love- PB2. It's a good snack for when I'm hungry but don't want to eat a meal and don't want to mindlessly snack. I just mix up a serving with almond milk and eat it with a spoon, or fruit. Good stuff.

So that's what's been going on with me. Today is day three of week one for C25K, and I'm hoping it cools down some by nightfall (it's been in the 90's all weekend, which is gorgeous but not conducive to beginner running). My ultimate goal with C25K is to be up to running 3 miles by the time I visit my family in August. If I could lose some more weight before then, that too would be awesome.

Despite slow weight losses and barely moving inches, I am down 2 sizes in my shirts and down a size in pants. That's pretty awesome, despite the fact I have nothing in these sizes in my closet. If I can make it down one more size, I have plenty, but apparently I skipped right over this size when I was gaining all the weight. Boo.

Let's talk numbers

While I weigh myself daily to make sure I'm I track, I only record my weight on Sundays, and I only check my measurements on the first Sunday of the month. When I started this journey, it was a little disheartening to realize that I had to lose 48.92% of my body weight to hit my goal weight. Today's math really perked me up, though. 

Lets start with measurements. I'm recording neck, bust, chest (band), waist, hips, thighs and upper arms. At the beginning of the year, I had a total of 325.85 inches. As of today, I've lost 11.95 inches over all for a total of 313.9 inches! My hips have been the same size for years and year and years, and no matter what type of diet or exercise I had done in the past, they never got smaller. In one month I've lost a full inch on my hips! That's just crazy!

And then for weight. Since the beginning of the year, I've lost 5.84% of my body weight, for a total of 10.22% overall since my heaviest. That means I have to lose 38.7% of my heaviest weight.....not nearly as intimidating or depressing as nearly 50%! 

I no longer feel like I'm stuck at the starting line of this journey, but well on my way! 

I also sat down yesterday and worked out what I hope is a reasonable goal for every month between now and my goal weight. If I'm able to do what I have mapped out, I should hit my goal weight by the end of April 2013!  That's about what the LiveStrong app worked out for me as well, so I'm sure it's a safe goal to have. 

At this point, I've lost the weight of 2 of my cats! My goal for the Biggest Loser challenge at work was to lose all five together, so I'm getting there! And, in 16 more pounds I'll be 1/4 of the way to my goal. I hope I can keep up this momentum and enthusiasm....

I certainly stay on top of things.

Quite. Anyway,  it's been a busy few weeks. I accepted a job offer with another department at work- I start my new position in a month. It's out of my comfort zone but I expect that will be good. I've been far too comfortable with my job the past few years.

A week from today I'll be out of my twenties- that's causing me trauma then moving to a new department. I feel like I wasted my twenties, and I'm still floundering for a plan on for the rest of my life, let alone the next decade.

Ah well. Little bit at a time.

Weightloss is going well. It was still stagnant until middle of last week when I reset my calories. The goal my nutritionist had me at was helping me maintain, but I don't want to maintain. Not even a little bit. So, I cut it by 150, and bam. Weightloss.  Not much, but a nice steady constant. In a week and a half  I've lost 6 pounds, so major win in my book. I'm still 10 pounds away from where I wanted to be at the start of February, but overall I've lost 23 pounds. After years of not being able to lose anything, I'm pretty happy with that.

In fact! I forgot about this until just now, but last weekend we went clothes shopping- I needed a new top for my interview outfit, and for the first time in years I finally lost an x! I still have two of them, but I lost a whole one. And my size 24 pants are too big to stay on my hips anymore. Once I put anything in my pockets they start to slide off. I do my measurements on the first Sunday of the month and I'm actually looking forward to doing it this time.

First Weigh In

I'm used to weighing in at the doctor's office- even if I'm just going in for blood work, my doctor makes me get on the scale. I don't get embarrassed at her office- they all know I'm fat, and they know what I'm doing to not be fat. 

I wasn't terribly thrilled to weigh in at work, but I thought my saving grace would be that they were going to have two people with scales to expedite the process- one skinny, one nice and round. I, of course, was planning on getting in line with the nice and round weigh-er, but so was everyone else in the office. So me, being the nice person I am, put my pride away and let Ms. Probably-never-been-five-pounds-overweight-in-her-life weigh me in. At least it was fast. 

I expect disparity in scales, but today I had the opportunity to check three against each other: my home scale, the scale at work, and the scale at my doctor's office. Surprisingly, my scale and the doctor's scale are only a tenth of a pound off from each other. The work scale, though? Mother fucking 2 and a half pounds higher. Not only do my coworkers know how fat I am, they believe a lie of 2.5 pounds! 

Okay, none of my co-workers (save Ms. Thin-butt up there) knows my actual weight. But still. 

Ah well.  Only 89 more days to make it low enough that it doesn't matter. 

Suitcase of shame

While I've never been thin as an adult, I have been much, much smaller. The 'smallest' I've ever been is a size 14- which, on my frame, is really my goal overall goal again at this point. I looked normal (to me, anyway) at that size, but it's been so long that when I get back down there, I may just keep going. That's a ways off, though.

When I got married, I was wavering between a size 16 and 18 and then over the past 6 years I just went up and up and up to get to where I am now, a very round size 24.

Our current closet is very small. It's a good size for a single person, or someone who isn't also trying to store everything else they own in it, as it's our only closet, but with the two of us it's a very, very cramped place. Last night I went on a purging spree to get rid of the things we don't need anymore.

Which meant pulling out the suitcase.

I have a large, blue suitcase full of clothes that I have not worn in nearly 5 years, full to bursting of clothes I wore back when I first got married- all sizes 16-18.  My favorite jeans that I can't get over my thighs right now. My favorite t-shirts (sized large. LARGE. I have two t-shirts right now that I can wear, and they have 3 x's on them before the L.). Normally when I see the suitcase (every time we move, which is every year or two), I feel so overcome with disgust. Shame. Despair. And then I stuff it back in the closet and ignore it for another year.

Not this time. I pulled everything out. Told Mr. Spartan stories about who gave me this shirt or that one. Remembering how comfortable a certain pair of jeans was. And then I got a little excited.

I've never had a real, solid plan before, and always just vague goals. But now I have a clear goal. I have a doctor who has helped me overcome all the physical reasons I couldn't lose weight before. I have friends on the same journey. I have mother-fucking confidence.


Everything I've researched comes back to 2 things: you have to have a plan, and you have to have goals. Otherwise you will fail. I have all the tools I need this time. I have my husband, my doctor, and my friends holding me accountable to follow through with what I say.

Being able put those clothes from the suitcase onto hangers in the closet is not a wish, or some far off dream. It's within my grasp. The only thing stopping me is me.

Setting Intentions

Tomorrow officially starts the weight loss competition at work. I'm down 2 pounds from last week despite not sleeping most of the week (oh, the joys of a husband with a sinus cold, and downstairs neighbors who are off from college for a few weeks). I even managed to get myself out of bed early in the morning after snippets of sleep to actually work out- this week my goal is to have a 45 minute work out 3 mornings before work, and two 25 minute work outs the other 2 work days.

I also need to try harder to hit my protein goals daily. There are a wealth of vegan protein sources, but many of easily obtainable ones are produced with one of my allergens, and the protein powders have too few grams of protein for far too many calories. Thankfully, I found Clif Builder's bars that have a fifth of my daily protein needs. One of those for breakfast gets me a really good head start on the day. And they are like delicious, delicious candy bars. I assume, anyway.

And, of course, water. Some days I do great at drinking my gallon's worth of water, others not so much. I was shuttling a gallon of water to work with me every day, but that's really obnoxious and on more than one occasion I've forgotten it completely and had to get a diet Pepsi instead. Had to. But a few weeks ago Mr. Spartan and I got a pack of the Brita water bottles that have a filter in them so now I can drink the water at work*, hurrah!

As far as an actual, tangible, track-able weight loss goal goes, my overall goal for the workout challenge is to lose the total weight of my cats: 61 pounds. That's just over 5 pounds a week- and if I can lose 2 in one week without putting much effort into it, I think 5 a week while busting my ovaries is within my reach. Even if I don't win the competition, that's a serious win for my waistline.


*They say it's filtered, but judging by the amount of time I spend on the toilet after drinking it, it's not filtered.

Obligatory Starter Post

I've been working on weight loss for what seems like ages now. I finally had some health issues resolved last year which has made it so I'm in a position I can actually start losing weight. My partner and I are embarking on our own health journeys this year. He may not have as much to lose as me, but it doesn't make his road any easier.

One thing that will hopefully make me more accountable is participating in a weight loss challenge at work, starting next week. I'm easily the biggest person participating, so I have to lose that much more to win.

While I don't (yet) have any weight related health issues, I know they are coming down the road. My entire family has health problems and I don't want to end up like them. High blood pressure, diabetes, arthritis, back problems from carrying too much weight, a myriad of heart problems, cancer...and on and on.

One thing that I do have helping me out in the health department is a strict vegan diet that I've been following for ten years now. There's no doubt it's what's helped me stave off the genetic problems my family keeps running into, and it's not something I'm about to give up. I know there is a stereotype out there that vegans are this skinny, pale, waifs, and I while I am pale (yay Northern European heritage!), even at my ideal weight I'm going to be rounded- some genetics I don't mind.

I'm going to be updating over at tumblr, too- until I get into my groove and figure out where I want to be. You can follow my partner there, too.