First Weigh In

I'm used to weighing in at the doctor's office- even if I'm just going in for blood work, my doctor makes me get on the scale. I don't get embarrassed at her office- they all know I'm fat, and they know what I'm doing to not be fat. 

I wasn't terribly thrilled to weigh in at work, but I thought my saving grace would be that they were going to have two people with scales to expedite the process- one skinny, one nice and round. I, of course, was planning on getting in line with the nice and round weigh-er, but so was everyone else in the office. So me, being the nice person I am, put my pride away and let Ms. Probably-never-been-five-pounds-overweight-in-her-life weigh me in. At least it was fast. 

I expect disparity in scales, but today I had the opportunity to check three against each other: my home scale, the scale at work, and the scale at my doctor's office. Surprisingly, my scale and the doctor's scale are only a tenth of a pound off from each other. The work scale, though? Mother fucking 2 and a half pounds higher. Not only do my coworkers know how fat I am, they believe a lie of 2.5 pounds! 

Okay, none of my co-workers (save Ms. Thin-butt up there) knows my actual weight. But still. 

Ah well.  Only 89 more days to make it low enough that it doesn't matter. 

Suitcase of shame

While I've never been thin as an adult, I have been much, much smaller. The 'smallest' I've ever been is a size 14- which, on my frame, is really my goal overall goal again at this point. I looked normal (to me, anyway) at that size, but it's been so long that when I get back down there, I may just keep going. That's a ways off, though.

When I got married, I was wavering between a size 16 and 18 and then over the past 6 years I just went up and up and up to get to where I am now, a very round size 24.

Our current closet is very small. It's a good size for a single person, or someone who isn't also trying to store everything else they own in it, as it's our only closet, but with the two of us it's a very, very cramped place. Last night I went on a purging spree to get rid of the things we don't need anymore.

Which meant pulling out the suitcase.

I have a large, blue suitcase full of clothes that I have not worn in nearly 5 years, full to bursting of clothes I wore back when I first got married- all sizes 16-18.  My favorite jeans that I can't get over my thighs right now. My favorite t-shirts (sized large. LARGE. I have two t-shirts right now that I can wear, and they have 3 x's on them before the L.). Normally when I see the suitcase (every time we move, which is every year or two), I feel so overcome with disgust. Shame. Despair. And then I stuff it back in the closet and ignore it for another year.

Not this time. I pulled everything out. Told Mr. Spartan stories about who gave me this shirt or that one. Remembering how comfortable a certain pair of jeans was. And then I got a little excited.

I've never had a real, solid plan before, and always just vague goals. But now I have a clear goal. I have a doctor who has helped me overcome all the physical reasons I couldn't lose weight before. I have friends on the same journey. I have mother-fucking confidence.


Everything I've researched comes back to 2 things: you have to have a plan, and you have to have goals. Otherwise you will fail. I have all the tools I need this time. I have my husband, my doctor, and my friends holding me accountable to follow through with what I say.

Being able put those clothes from the suitcase onto hangers in the closet is not a wish, or some far off dream. It's within my grasp. The only thing stopping me is me.

Setting Intentions

Tomorrow officially starts the weight loss competition at work. I'm down 2 pounds from last week despite not sleeping most of the week (oh, the joys of a husband with a sinus cold, and downstairs neighbors who are off from college for a few weeks). I even managed to get myself out of bed early in the morning after snippets of sleep to actually work out- this week my goal is to have a 45 minute work out 3 mornings before work, and two 25 minute work outs the other 2 work days.

I also need to try harder to hit my protein goals daily. There are a wealth of vegan protein sources, but many of easily obtainable ones are produced with one of my allergens, and the protein powders have too few grams of protein for far too many calories. Thankfully, I found Clif Builder's bars that have a fifth of my daily protein needs. One of those for breakfast gets me a really good head start on the day. And they are like delicious, delicious candy bars. I assume, anyway.

And, of course, water. Some days I do great at drinking my gallon's worth of water, others not so much. I was shuttling a gallon of water to work with me every day, but that's really obnoxious and on more than one occasion I've forgotten it completely and had to get a diet Pepsi instead. Had to. But a few weeks ago Mr. Spartan and I got a pack of the Brita water bottles that have a filter in them so now I can drink the water at work*, hurrah!

As far as an actual, tangible, track-able weight loss goal goes, my overall goal for the workout challenge is to lose the total weight of my cats: 61 pounds. That's just over 5 pounds a week- and if I can lose 2 in one week without putting much effort into it, I think 5 a week while busting my ovaries is within my reach. Even if I don't win the competition, that's a serious win for my waistline.


*They say it's filtered, but judging by the amount of time I spend on the toilet after drinking it, it's not filtered.

Obligatory Starter Post

I've been working on weight loss for what seems like ages now. I finally had some health issues resolved last year which has made it so I'm in a position I can actually start losing weight. My partner and I are embarking on our own health journeys this year. He may not have as much to lose as me, but it doesn't make his road any easier.

One thing that will hopefully make me more accountable is participating in a weight loss challenge at work, starting next week. I'm easily the biggest person participating, so I have to lose that much more to win.

While I don't (yet) have any weight related health issues, I know they are coming down the road. My entire family has health problems and I don't want to end up like them. High blood pressure, diabetes, arthritis, back problems from carrying too much weight, a myriad of heart problems, cancer...and on and on.

One thing that I do have helping me out in the health department is a strict vegan diet that I've been following for ten years now. There's no doubt it's what's helped me stave off the genetic problems my family keeps running into, and it's not something I'm about to give up. I know there is a stereotype out there that vegans are this skinny, pale, waifs, and I while I am pale (yay Northern European heritage!), even at my ideal weight I'm going to be rounded- some genetics I don't mind.

I'm going to be updating over at tumblr, too- until I get into my groove and figure out where I want to be. You can follow my partner there, too.